The following was written by an 11th grader , Devin Straley, whose family has worked with consultant, Lisa Marchinkoski since 2006.
Often, upon hearing that my brother has autism, people will mumble sympathetically, "oh, I'm sorry." At first, I used to feel offended. Nobody was sick. Nobody had died. To me, my brother is wonderful. Through the years, as my conscious understanding of autism grew, I realized that they are not altogether wrong.
Expectations
The doctors told my family not to expect much. He would never be able to take care of himself. He would never be able to tie his shoes-buy Velcro. He would never be able to ride a bike-buy an attached carrier if you want to go far. He may not even be able to show us he loves us. Maybe a special home? My mom told them, and us, that there are only limits if you recognize them. The same rules that apply to me, apply to Scot and everyone. Everyone is working on something, and you have to work hard to overcome individual obstacles. From this, I came to see that challenges are a reason, but they're not an excuse. This realization has made me mentally stronger.
Our Lives Are Richer
Sending Scot away might have made our lives easier, but it would not have made our lives richer. Yes, it's a lot of work, but it is worth it. He is worth it. Nobody works harder than Scot. And guess what? With a little creative teamwork, and countless hours of practice, he can do almost anything. Colored shoelaces with magic marker lines that showed him where to pinch the laces worked wonders. An outdoor obstacle course based on the game Candy Land for bike riding maneuvers did the trick. "Don't get stuck in the Devilish Ditch! Don't run in to Lilac Land! Don't get bitten by the Railroad Rattler!" In contemplating these situations, I came to understand the importance of incorporating familiar things into new situations to reduce his anxiety to make him want to come back and try again. Nothing ever comes easy to him, but he never quits. Scot has more internal fortitude in his little finger than some people do in their whole bodies. This is the inspiring power of autism. Currently, he is learning how to swim, play piano, and to cook hard-boiled eggs instead of hard-boiled teakettles.
Seeing the Humor
I've come to recognize, too, the humor that comes with autism, and what a gift it brings to the family. When visiting Niagara Falls, Scot was fascinated. The first time we were standing over it, Scot looked up and said, "Can...can I go down that big water slide?" Though safety is always an issue, that still cracked us up. Another special moment was hearing Scot say, "we are traveling 55 mumphs!" when passing a speed limit sign on the highway. Last month, he created a "silly" flower garden for me, Cole, Adrian, and Julian. We found ourselves being handed feather duster "marigolds", 5 lb flour "flowers" and toothbrush "tulips" to plant in the ground. When he smiles, we all smile. Scot has been working hard on this RDI (Relationship Development Intervention) objective of "using regular objects in funny ways." I realize that his joy and success breed my joys more than any others because he has to work so hard to get them.
We Learn from Each Other
Many believe that people with autism have too many limitations for them to succeed in life. They jump, they flap, they repeat things over and over again. They are disorganized and often confused. This makes them act in ways that are unpredictable and unexpected. So while at any given time my brother may begin bouncing and skilling down the BBA gymnasium after everyone else has returned to their seats, I will always go get him with a smile on my face-feeling no shame and no embarrassment-just pride that my brother is who he is, while I show him a better way. As many times as Scot learns from me, I learn from him. He teaches me about persistence, courage, and resilience. No, we can't interact in the same way that other brothers do, and at times I wish we could. In spite of this, what he does give me greatly outweighs what I have to give up. People shy away because they are afraid of what they don't understand.
Modeling Respect
Ultimately, I've learned that while Scot may draw the audience, I provide the show. People hopefully will emulate whatever I spotlight for them. If I show them that Scot is someone I love and value, they might see him that way too. If we treat people with special needs with dignity and respect, others will be apt to do the same. If we take away people's fear, and replace it with patience and tolerance, we show them a better path. Then they, too, can experience the uplifting power of autism. And they would know what I already know. A brother with autism? "Oh, you're so lucky."
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